I should be a doctor

I think I should be a doctor. I mean not a surgeon or anything like that just your regular primary care physicians. I don’t think I need school for it. Actually I’m almost positive from what I’ve seen school isn’t necessary. All I need is an office a few secretaries, a computer with internet (the internet is key) and a nurse or 2. Fuck the diploma. I mean I’ve been to the doctors. They haven’t told me anything I didn’t already know from looking up symptoms on the internet or seeing a commercial for a drug. If you got this you take that. If it hurts or itches there you rub some of this on it. I mean come on the nurses are the ones that do all the real work. Take blood, give shots, and talk to the patient. All the doctor does is comes in the room makes you breath in and out (I’m not really sure what this test is for but they always do it no matter what your ailment is). But I’m pretty sure it’s for congestion or pneumonia.

You say, “I have a head ache”
“Well… let’s take a look” the doctor says as he grabs for the stethoscope and puts it on your back… “Hmmm, now breathe in, and again.” He/she then flashes a light in your eyes a couple times and says. “Well ok I’m going to write you a prescription for Topamax. Hear you go. Take this to the front desk. Have a nice day”

Ok what was all the fucking breathing for? Are you trying to trick me into thinking you actually did something besides give me a fuck’in pill becase you saw the same dame comercial I did last night? Do you really not make enough money off me to give me more that 15min of your time? Maybe try explaining something for once so I don’t have to ask 20 questions. How about stop acting like you know everything and give me real reasonable options about what is happening to me.

If I was a doctor I would be like “Shit, I’m not sure what is wrong with you but I think it’s _____ and we should try ________ to see if that works. If that doesn’t work then we will have to try something else but it looks like from the symptoms you are describing it is most likely _______. Don’t you worry I’m here to help you and we will figure this out together. But until then let’s run some blood test to cancel out other possibilities”

That sounds reasonable right! Why the fuck can’t some doctors just say that?